Empathy is a verb. Not a KPI.

A year ago, I found myself without a job, combing through job postings one after another. Like many, the deeper I got into LinkedIn, the more confused I became. One thing that stuck with me as I sifted through countless listings for design positions was the word "empathy." It was everywhere: posts and job descriptions proudly stating, "We are an empathy-first company," or "We design/build with empathy," or, my personal favorite, "Empathy is our business."

It seems we’re living in a world where "empathy" is no longer this inherent ability to connect with people; instead, it’s almost a commoditized asset. Empathy, by my observation, has become a buzzword splashed onto everything. It’s used to build trust with people, consumers, patients...whoever to make a large, impersonal company feel more human. People are building "empathetic systems" and integrating "empathy" into their workflows. It feels like that scene from The Princess Bride where Inigo Montoya says, "I don't think it means what you think it means…"

gif from the Princess Bride

Think about when your flight gets canceled and rescheduled for two days later. You are messaging a human or (probably) a chatbot, wanting to throw your phone into the nearest trash bin. The final straw is receiving a message that says, "I’m sorry your flight got canceled. That must be so frustrating, but there are no more flights. Here’s a $10 meal voucher to let you know we empathize with your situation." It’s dehumanizing! You’re stuck, frustrated, and not in control, and you’re essentially told it "sucks to suck" behind the "that sounds sooooo frustrating." It's almost condescending.

Empathy isn’t a KPI. It isn’t a skill you can teach in a Google Certification. Empathy isn’t a noun you can use to boost sales or something an AI scanner should check for on a resume. Empathy isn’t publicly posting about how you build care with your team but, in reality, working them into the ground. Empathy is not something to use for your gain.

Empathy is a verb.

Empathy is being intentional about including statements like, “We will be talking about difficult topics today, so please know that if you need to take a break or switch topics, we can do that,” when writing a facilitation guide. Empathy is offering an encouraging nod when someone is scared to provide honest feedback about a product. Empathy is the ability to advocate for what you’ve heard from others when you share those insights.

When I think about a company that embodies empathy, I think of Chewy (yes, the pet supply company). A great example is when you cancel an autoship order and someone from Chewy reaches out to ensure everything is alright with your order. If that team member learns the order was canceled because of the loss of a pet, Chewy sends you and your family flowers with a note. I saw this firsthand when our childhood Westie, Jackson, passed. Those flowers meant the world to my mom.

How can we be more like Chewy? How can you better advocate for authentic empathy?

1. Lead by Example Don’t be afraid to live this value; whether it’s listening attentively to your co-workers, checking in with people, opening up and being vulnerable, or acknowledging the stress someone might be under. This brave act can foster an environment where empathy is real because it’s rooted in shared humanity.

   
   

2. Listen Openly and Avoid Assumptions If someone opens up to you, whether in a participant session or in the office, take the time to understand their lived experience by really listening. Not just offering solutions or making assumptions based on your own experiences and expectations. People want to feel seen and heard, not fixed.

   
   

3. Advocate for Long-Term Solutions Challenge decisions made purely for short-term gain, like rushing to meet a deadline or applying a Band-Aid fix to a system that’s causing harm to people downstream. Empathy means thinking about long-term impacts on individuals, populations and systems, not just immediate results. It’s about doing what’s right, not what’s easy.

   
   

4. Call Out Performative Empathy If you find yourself working in an environment where you're forced to ignore the root of an issue, or when managers offer hollow support, find a way to respectfully bring this to light. For example, “I hear you’re concerned about deadlines, but I’ve noticed we’re still pushing ahead. What can we do differently as a team to make sure everyone has the support they need?” I know this can be easier said than done, but it’s important.

If empathy feels forced or hollow, it becomes performative, and people are quick to pick up on it. Empathy should be freely given, lived, and experienced. Not just talked about or used as a buzzword.

Empathy is listening without fixing. It is caring without focusing on yourself. It is about seeing someone's lived experience and learning from it so you can make things better for others, not just for business outcomes. It is a verb.

Thank you!

Caleigh

Disclaimer:

AI was not used in the making of this post; I used Grammarly for grammatical and spelling corrections.

I do not own the rights to the Princess Bride nor did I create the GIF, and credit the GIF to the original creator via Wix.